I've Hit The Wall !!!!!!

For me today was the day we hope will bypass us. It was the day of lonliness hitting me like a fricken brick. It was the day of none of the kids listening. It was the day of wanting to get out in my new yard to put in new gardens but knowing bloody well that I can't because it's only the beginning of January. It was the second evening this week that Hud is out for work, tomorrow being his only night with nothing on but me not being able to find anyone able to escape with me. It was the night of getting Samuel into bed and then thinking I might actually be able to have a poop in peace when he climbs back out of bed and refused to go back. What is one to do mid poo with a two year old say no mom , me stay you mom.....
It was a night of Sam running from me once I finished and tried to put him back in bed. It was the night of me bursting into tears as he's freaking out at the fact I caught him and put him back in bed. It was the night of laying on his bed with him , listening to a cd of celtic lullabies and gentle worship and totally melting down at hearing Jesus loves me. He does love me and I guess I just needed to be reminded that even though my day sucked and the week may not get any better there is someone who loves me even with all my faults. ie...yelling and losing it with my kids, resenting my husbands "freedom" , wanting things I can't have etc, etc, etc......